Monday, October 6, 2008

Shady, shady business

The apartment that I occupy now is my fifth apartment in as many years (I'm a nomad!), so I have a lot of experience with landlords, both private and corporate. But I have NEVER had as shady of an exchange as the one that I had with my landlord two days ago:

Me: Hi, L, I was wondering if you could come and make *insert minor repair.*

LL: Sure, sure. Listen, while I have you on the phone, I've been meaning to tell you something. When the fire department comes, don't let them in.

Me: Oh?

LL: Yes, you see they are troublemakers. They make trouble for us. They want to remove the locks and empty the closets (side note: each apartment has a hallway closet containing a boiler. The apartments have no closet space save for these and a small linen closet in the bedrooms. This closet contains all of our shit, but the fire department deemed it a hazard because the shit blocks the boilers).

Me: Uh, well...

LL: So when they come, do not let them in. I will make an appointment for them to inspect. Then I will call and let you know, and you can clean the closet. Temporarily, no? (my landlord is Russian. Imagine all of this in a thick Russian accent). Then they go, and you will put it all back.

Me: *dumbfounded* I don't know...

LL: They are troublemakers. Ok, so tell your neighbors if you see them. Good bye!

what the fuck am I supposed to do now?

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