Toddlers and Tiaras

For the last year and a half of college I eschewed cable in favor of...um...rent money, and I didn't really miss it that much. But since I've had cable again, I don't know how I ever lived without TLC. I am addicted to this damn channel, especially what I like to call the Sunday night freak-show lineup. This is when TLC airs gems like "Pregnant Man" and "Woman with half a body who gets around on a skateboard" and "Billion-ton elephant guy who eats way too much fried chicken." Oh, and let's not forget the round-the-clock obsession with dwarfism (although at this point, is it really so interesting or exotic anymore? Especially the dwarf-family reality shows. I mean, the only difference I see is that they have shorter countertops. Those shows are really quite boring).

Anyway, there's this series called "Toddlers and Tiaras," and it covers the world of child beauty pageants. HATE. What kind of parent puts their damn toddler out to be judged on beauty and their appearance in a swimsuit? It's a disgusting display of enforcing arbitrary standards of feminism. The parents coach their daughters for hours a day on how to runway-walk, shake their hips (and sometimes chests), and wink seductively at judges. All of the parents defend themselves with the same line: "It builds self-esteem." SHENANIGANS, pageant parents. Judging your child's worth based on their appearance and imitations of sexuality will not make them feel good about themselves and their abilities later in life. All they will learn is that their worth is based on how feminine they appear. This particular featured pageant even has categories for "best eyes," "best hair," and "photogenic winner." The "talent" portion is no more than a token addition. Clearly appearance and femininity are what matters here.

If you want to build self-esteem in your daughter, there are a lot of things that you could base it on that have real and lasting use. Enroll her in a sport so that she can learn how strong and capable her body is. Spend your money on books, so she can start learning how wonderful reading is. Put her in front of an easel with fingerpaints, and tell her how much you admire her creativity. Let her play dress-up and explore her idenitity at home. But for the love of christ, don't make her parade out on a stage in front of judges in a swimsuit, shake her hips, spin, look seductively over her shoulder, tilt her sunglasses over her nose and wink at the judges. That's not how self-esteem is built. That's how you get a girl whose self-worth is overly-dependent on the opinions of others.

And it seems so plausible

This douche-hole from Minnesota is claiming that he and Obama did some blow back in '99, and then had hot, steamy homo sex in the back of a limo. He says that he will submit to a polygraph to prove it, and some site is offering a load of cash to record it and to reward him if he passes.

I bet this guy has a backwards "b" on his ass, too *insert eye roll*

Really, no one should be giving this guy any attention. The claims are outlandish, that much should be obvious to anyone. He hasn't got any sort of proof, and even a positive polygraph isn't proof enough, as anyone with good self-control can easily pass them.

But the reason I'm giving him attention is that I think his claims illustrate some very sad things about our country. His "scandalous" accusations involve two things: Drug use and homosexual behavior. What kills me is that these were obviously formulated to be the "worst" things that could be said about a candidate. He didn't come out and claim that Obama raped a child, or that Obama once beat his wife. No. Obama's a GAY. And a DRUG ADDICT. OH MY GOD WHAT IS THE MORAL FIBER OF THIS COUNTRY COMING TO. Now if that Arab gits elected, he surely will spend his time in the Oval Office, smokin' crack and havin' the butt-sex, y'all.

Being gay is not some sort of disease or negative behavior or devastating event. It's just how some people are. Consenting sex between two adults doesn't hurt anyone: not them, not you, not your family or your marriage. And it shouldn't be an insult, let alone a DEAL BREAKER for the presidency.


And drug use? Drugs aren't the best, mmmmkay? But guess what? Lots of people do drugs. And those people are actually okay. They aren't all homeless "welfare queens", or negligent parents, or pregnant teens or irresponsible members of society in general (as the War on Drugs would have you believe). Clinton did drugs. Bush DEFINITELY did drugs. Obama already admitted that he smoked the reefer. Hell, I did a bunch of drugs in college, and I still got into a top PhD program. So they aren't great to do all the time, but sometimes a little dabbling here and there isn't going to hurt. But what gets me is that this guy specifically said that Obama did crack-cocaine (while this guy just had some plain old blow). Allow me to translate that accusation for you: "Oh, look at the black presidential candidate! I associate crack addicts with black men! It only makes sense that this black man would also do crack! You don't want a crack-head in the white house, do you?"

Oh my god, I can see the McCain rallies now. On top of the disgusting racist diarrhea that has been spewing from their mouths (This week I heard: "I think he's gonna put a turban on, and he's gonna go into the White house, and we're all gonna be shot"), now we're going to have gems like "He's a FAG. And a CRACK HEAD. A GAY CRACK-HEAD TERRORIST."

I could turn this into a rant into how this country openly discriminates and harasses gays, or how the War on Drugs is unnecessarily overcrowding our prisons and costing us excessive amounts of taxpayer dollars. But really my main concern here is that these two "insults" were the most devastating accusations that this fellow could conjure. My main concern is that this reflects how backwards much of this country is in terms of moral priorities. These same people will talk all day about how homosexuality is the scourge of the earth, but won't blink an eye when a girl in a short skirt gets raped (she was asking for it, after all). Or when they beat their children (spare the rod, spoil the child, y'all. Gotta learn 'em somehows). Or when impoverished families continue to suffer because our government won't provide them with healthcare, childcare, or a good education (they're poor because they're all lazy drug-addicts, obv).

The people who talk the most about morality and claim to have the highest sense of morality always seem to be the people with the most warped idea of morality. The things that they seem to care about the most seem to be the things that, in reality, matter the least. And it seems that those people are always pushing their warped views into our government. So we get laws that reinforce these subjective notions of morality (anti-sodomy laws, bans to gay marriage, overly-zealous penalties for drug use). And we DON'T get laws made on the things that really matter (proper protections for victims of abuse, quality health-care for everyone, adequate educational funding for all public schools and children).

8 days.

You have a long way to go, baby.

There is an article today about a school in Tacoma that is apparently treating their special ed students like horse shit.

To sum up, a father recently found out (through other students) that his 17-year-old special needs son was routinely picking up garbage and performing other custodial duties throughout the school. The school did not obtain the parents' permission for the boy to do this sort of work, and it was never included in his IEP (for those of you not in the know, that's an "individual education program". It's mandated for all disabled students by law, and is generally developed in part by close communication with the caregivers). In addition to recycling and collecting garbage, the boy has been observed scraping moss from between the cracks of the sidewalks, scraping gum off of the lunch tables, and using his bare hands to pick up condoms and cigarette butts.

Now, I know that special ed students often have vocational training during their school day in order to help them adjust to society and to facilitate independent living. But this does not sound like it falls under that category. What is sounds like is that someone decided hey, those kids who can't speak for themselves would make AWESOME free labor. Get that kid a garbage bag.

This news item is disturbing in its own right, but I find that I am particularly sensitive to injustices such as this. See, my mom was a special ed kid. She developed epilepsy as a child. Her first seizure left her in a coma, after which it was apparent that she had developed learning disabilities. I can't specifically tell you what, if anything, she has been diagnosed with, because this was back in the 50s and 60s, and I'm not even sure if they had a name for it. My best guess is dyscalculia (think of it as dyslexia, but for math instead of reading), based on the fact that she was always in special ed classes for math (she was mainstreamed for most of her other classes), and that she seems to fit the criteria for it based on everything that I've seen. For instance, the difference between tens and tenths confuses her to no end. I don't believe that she has ever taken an algebra course, due to her inability to comprehend these concepts.

My mom is a person that tries very, very hard in everything that she does; however, her disability has left her unable to accomplish as much as she would like, and it often holds her back (she wanted to go to school part-time to be a phlebotomist, but when she looked into colleges and realized that she would have to take math courses, she stopped pursuing that goal).

But here's the thing. My mom has been held back by HER OWN TEACHERS so much more than her actual disability. She had to endure special education in the 60s at Baltimore public schools. Allow me to now share with you a couple charming tales from her school days:

-When the elementary class was graduating from fifth to sixth grades, the school had a cake and ice cream party for them in the cafeteria. The special ed students were not invited. When the special ed students complained, they were allowed in the cafeteria alone the next day to eat the leftovers from the day before.

-My mother and her mother went in for a conference with the guidance counselor. In front of my mother, the guidance counselor proceeded to tell my grandmother that my mom would never amount to more than a cashier or a waitress, if she was lucky, and should stick to those things.

There are more horror stories, but you get the picture. Inept and insensitive school staff basically made my mother feel worthless and incapable of anything. She's pretty dependent on us for a lot of things that she is capable of handling herself. And it's because they basically took any self-esteem that she had and shredded it into a hundred pieces. And then they took those shreds and burned them into ash, and then took the ash and put it in a concrete block and heaved the block to the bottom of the sea.

So you can see the problems that are caused when school personnel fail to take the education of the disabled seriously. They squander potential and deprive their students of fulfilling lives. They do a lot of damage that goes on to do more damage (for instance, my own mathematical knowledge is lacking, which I feel is partially due to the fact that I was unable to get much support for it at home).

After hearing my mother's school horror stories, I always took comfort in the fact that disabled rights and education have evolved and are much more sensitive and sophisticated today. That if I had a child with epilepsy, she would receive all of the positive support and encouragement that she needs to succeed. That no one would ever tell her that there is something she "can't" do, when she may very well be capable of it.

But I guess that's not really the case, is it?

I weep for the girls of America

I know, I know: two posts in one day, right? Get a life, Phoebe. But I just HAD to share this story.

My aunt, cousin, and her 9 year old daughter (that would be my first cousin once removed for all you genealogy buffs out there) were out visiting for the day, and we were at the giant Toys-R-Us in Times Square. They had Halloween costumes out, and my little cousin was flipping through them. She pulled one out, whirled around, and exclaimed, "I like this one!"

This is what she picked out:

Get this: It's even called "Major Flirt."

Words could not describe my horror. This should have been a key teaching moment, but I think all I could manage was "Oh my god...that's not...put that back."

DO NOT even try to argue that this is not "supposed" to be sexy. Yes. it. is. EVERYTHING about it suggests sex. The name alone disqualifies it from being innocuous.

Little girls ARE NOT sexual objects. Their purpose in life is not to look pleasing to men. Their purpose is not to flirt, or tease, or tantalize. They are not, as Humbert Humbert would say, "nymphs." They are CHILDREN and they are PEOPLE. They have BRAINS AND POTENTIAL. That potential is not to serve you in any way, shape, or form. That potential is for them to do really great things for themselves and for humanity. And when you put them in these skanky little outfits, because it's so fucking "cute," you INSTANTLY tell them that their real potential lies in a sexualization and objectification.

The little boy costumes we saw were firefighters, superheroes, astronauts, pilots, ninjas, pirates, and zombies. They sent messages of strength, skill, and assertiveness. Many were actual professions to which one could aspire.

The girls' costume options: "Twinkle pretty witch", Fairy, "asian princess", "pirate hottie", "pink batgirl" (short skirt, knee-high boots), and monster bride. They sent messages of weakness, passivity, and sex. They ALL had skirts. None were actual professions. Oh wait. You CAN have sex for money. I forgot.

Apparently the costume that my cousin actually got is no better. Of course, it's from Wal-Mart, the family-friendliest company ever (Because family-friendly=making sure women know the importance of looking sexy)!

If you feel like wanting to blow your brains out, scroll through Wal-Mart's selection of girls' Halloween costumes. This Lolita culture is not okay. Shit like this is why women aren't taken seriously, starting from childhood. Shit like this is part of the reason why we experience rape, abuse, lower pay, fewer educational options, and higher rates of depression.

I'm always on the fence about whether I want children or not (largely because stuff like this scares me), but I do know that if I have a daughter, she will be my first action towards correcting these problems. She will NEVER be dressed in such a degrading Halloween costume. She will not own Bratz dolls. She will not have Hannah Montana as a role model (or whatever demeaning show Disney is shitting out that particular decade). And she will know exactly why not.

Bloggers don't cry

Am I the last one to watch Boys Don't Cry? Probably. Either way, I'm disturbed and now recognize that it was a bad idea to watch a movie about social injustices (atrocities?) tonight, especially since there is a grievous one being committed against a friend of mine as we speak. Since I plan on retaining my anonymity in this blog, I wish to also respect that of my friend's (the incident in question is of an extremely sensitive nature). However, I hope to speak to him soon and gain his permission to write of his ordeal. In the meantime, I'll say this: It involves the Patriot Act and Orwellian government actions that disgust and sicken me. And they should have the same effect on you. So expect a very serious post in the near future.